Like the final chapter of an amazing story, we had the opportunity to discuss Jordan's autopsy results with a neonatologist from CHOP today. We had looked forward to hearing the results because we wanted to know the full story - what was going on inside Jordan's body that prevented him from surviving? In the back of our minds, there was a fear that maybe the results would point to a mistake or lead to more "what if" scenarios. Ultimately, we knew we had to press through those fears because we wanted to know the truth.
The peace that has held us through this entire journey was with us again today. Thankfully, Jordan's autopsy only confirmed what we already knew: Jordan was very, very sick. The size of his hernia was quite large, which allowed so much "stuff" up into his thorax. The severity of his condition was significant. The pulmonary vessels were maligned - not able to grow and develop as they were intended to - making the pulmonary vessels thick. They compared the alveoli to a tree that had been pruned. Without the alveoli being properly developed, the gas exchange becomes quite difficult. On top of this, Jordan was still suffering from pulmonary edema. The normal lung mass of a child his size is around 60grams. Jordan's was 120grams at death. That's significant when taking into account that his left lung was so small. Clearly, the anatomy of his lungs left him very sick.
Jordan's heart also began failing. It was working extra hard to push blood downstream into the lungs. The normal weight of the heart is 25grams and his was 35. The right ventricle in particular was inflamed. They are unable to see organ tissue on an X-ray and were unable to see just how sick he was.
The doctor confirmed that Jordan's autopsy matched how he acted during his final days. She also mentioned that they wouldn't have changed anything given their current procedure and technology. We tried everything we could to give Jordan a fighting chance. The amazing thing is that he took that opportunity and ran with it. They again mentioned how tough Jordan was to fight through everything he faced. He was much sicker than he let on. He never gave up and always fought for life.
This Easter weekend took on even more significance now that we have experienced the death of our son. If it hadn't been for our undeterred faith in what the Son of God accomplished in His death and resurrection, we would have been lost in a sea of chaos. Our appreciation of what our Father God and His Son accomplished in preparing everlasting life has grown leaps and bounds. During our phone conversation today, CHOP commented on how well we have rebounded in this time of loss and have already begun to use this experience in a positive way. The truth is, we simply loved our son and we knew what the Son of God did for us on the cross. We always had faith that Jordan would have a home in Heaven, even if he didn't make it here on Earth. We fought as hard as we could to give him an opportunity to live a life here. But, we always knew that no matter what the outcome, he would have a home.
The price that our Savior paid paved the way for us to have hope. Hope that no matter what happens in this lifetime, you can't take away eternity with our Father in Heaven. Our faith in what was accomplished on the cross seals our fate. Thank You God for everlasting life. Thank You for forgiveness. Although sometimes we are stripped bare and feel like we have nothing left to hang on to, we always have Christ...
Happy Easter everyone!
